All I want to do is kiss you.
I just want to hold his hand.
What does he see in her?
Why doesn't he notice me?
If he just gave me a chance...
He doesn't like me.
He'll never like me.
What do I have to prove?
I try so hard, but never get results.
Why should I try anymore?
He'll never notice me.
He looked at me!
I bet he likes me.
Why wouldn't he like me?
He's so handsome.
And so nice.
But I'm not good enough for him.
Maybe I'll never be good enough.
But I like him.
I can't move on.
I'll never get over him!
I never thought heartbreak would be so bad.
He'll never love me.
What do I have to offer?
Will I ever be good enough?
Monday, May 27, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Once
My eyes have no time to adjust as the lights repeatedly flash
Hundreds of colorful shapes dance along the walls
A disco ball hangs from the ceiling a few feet above us
Deafening volumes of pop music blare from the speakers
The floor squeaks beneath our shoes
The wood covered in spilled liquor, beer and broken glass.
His body sways to the beat of the music
We dance only a couple of steps apart
I can't help but smile -
I think about our past and our present
It's been so long since I last saw him
I began to believe we would never meet again.
I flash a few winks his way, but he doesn't seem to notice
It doesn't feel right to try and seduce
So instead I bring up the corners of my lips
Part them and break into a smile again
This time he notices and it feels like old times
He looks at me, raises his brow and smiles back.
I take a swig from the drink I have in hand
A bit of the bubbly drink dribbles down my arm to my elbow
I try to shake it off and slip on the puddles below
Steadying myself, I let out a laugh
But not one loud enough for others to hear
I look up from the floor and he is still smiling in my direction.
My mind races from topic to topic, situation to situation
Past to present, present to future
All revolving around him, the music and the dance
My bottle cracks as I toast a fellow dancer
And he offers to buy me another drink
I try to refuse, but he leaves, money in hand, before the words come out.
The flashing lights just about dizzy me
As my mind continues to race
I cannot get a firm grasp on the present
And my heart starts beating faster
Thinking about what could happen
Now that we stand together again.
The cold beer is placed firmly in my hand
I look up into his eyes to thank him
But he's looking away laughing with a friend across the dance floor
I feel his kind heart through his laugh
Which does not help my confusion
But rather pushes me toward him.
Feedback from the speakers fill the room
As the end of the night is announced
With only a few more songs until the club closes
I quickly walk to the coat check, leaving him behind
Grab my coat
And stand along the side speaking with acquaintances.
I feel his presence again
I turn my head and look up
Only to see him looking down at me, smirking
Afraid of what I'll do, I quickly look away
But swiftly put my arm around his waist and surprisingly
He puts his arm around my shoulder and onto my arm.
We stand there as he rubs my arm
For the next few songs
I lean my head on his shoulder
He leans his on my head
And I swear the bass line from the speakers
Is actually my heart beating outside of my chest.
My mind wanders again
I wonder why I feel this way
I never felt this way before
All I wanted was to be near him
And for him to be near me
I feel a large, toothy smile growing on my face.
For once I felt genuinely happy
I felt safe and loved
I had no care in the world, but then
The lights stopped flashing
The blaring music abruptly stopped
And suddenly everything was back to normal.
My eyes finally adjusted
My ears quickly began ringing
My heartbeat slowed
My mind cleared except for one thing:
That for once I felt important to him
For once I felt truly at home.
Hundreds of colorful shapes dance along the walls
A disco ball hangs from the ceiling a few feet above us
Deafening volumes of pop music blare from the speakers
The floor squeaks beneath our shoes
The wood covered in spilled liquor, beer and broken glass.
His body sways to the beat of the music
We dance only a couple of steps apart
I can't help but smile -
I think about our past and our present
It's been so long since I last saw him
I began to believe we would never meet again.
I flash a few winks his way, but he doesn't seem to notice
It doesn't feel right to try and seduce
So instead I bring up the corners of my lips
Part them and break into a smile again
This time he notices and it feels like old times
He looks at me, raises his brow and smiles back.
I take a swig from the drink I have in hand
A bit of the bubbly drink dribbles down my arm to my elbow
I try to shake it off and slip on the puddles below
Steadying myself, I let out a laugh
But not one loud enough for others to hear
I look up from the floor and he is still smiling in my direction.
My mind races from topic to topic, situation to situation
Past to present, present to future
All revolving around him, the music and the dance
My bottle cracks as I toast a fellow dancer
And he offers to buy me another drink
I try to refuse, but he leaves, money in hand, before the words come out.
The flashing lights just about dizzy me
As my mind continues to race
I cannot get a firm grasp on the present
And my heart starts beating faster
Thinking about what could happen
Now that we stand together again.
The cold beer is placed firmly in my hand
I look up into his eyes to thank him
But he's looking away laughing with a friend across the dance floor
I feel his kind heart through his laugh
Which does not help my confusion
But rather pushes me toward him.
Feedback from the speakers fill the room
As the end of the night is announced
With only a few more songs until the club closes
I quickly walk to the coat check, leaving him behind
Grab my coat
And stand along the side speaking with acquaintances.
I feel his presence again
I turn my head and look up
Only to see him looking down at me, smirking
Afraid of what I'll do, I quickly look away
But swiftly put my arm around his waist and surprisingly
He puts his arm around my shoulder and onto my arm.
We stand there as he rubs my arm
For the next few songs
I lean my head on his shoulder
He leans his on my head
And I swear the bass line from the speakers
Is actually my heart beating outside of my chest.
My mind wanders again
I wonder why I feel this way
I never felt this way before
All I wanted was to be near him
And for him to be near me
I feel a large, toothy smile growing on my face.
For once I felt genuinely happy
I felt safe and loved
I had no care in the world, but then
The lights stopped flashing
The blaring music abruptly stopped
And suddenly everything was back to normal.
My eyes finally adjusted
My ears quickly began ringing
My heartbeat slowed
My mind cleared except for one thing:
That for once I felt important to him
For once I felt truly at home.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Come Back
A broken string
Curled up
Away from the fission
Heart stops beating
Sitting motionless
Outside of the chest
The emptiness consumes
Eyes burning
Dry trails from tears
So far away
But feeling
Near to me now
He's gone; please
Come back
I'll be here waiting.
Curled up
Away from the fission
Heart stops beating
Sitting motionless
Outside of the chest
The emptiness consumes
Eyes burning
Dry trails from tears
So far away
But feeling
Near to me now
He's gone; please
Come back
I'll be here waiting.
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